just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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