I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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