He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
MIDGETS
????
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
