he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
