Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
