We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
