Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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