I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
