just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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