You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
