i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
