U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
