the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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