does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
