Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
