she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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