whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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