I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
