Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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