Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
