Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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