i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
