whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
