My underwear smells like fireworks.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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