Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
