Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
