You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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