you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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