Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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