Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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