i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Randomize
