Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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