K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
