i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
