he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
