god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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