oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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