Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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