you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
