I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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