He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
