after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
