I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
