Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
