fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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