remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
