just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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