Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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