Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
