Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
