I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
