I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
