So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
