It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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