having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
