She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
