I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
